Tommy Adkins Butterfly on Flower |
My
dear Sharman,
Thank you. I listened as you read--I was
overwhelmed--had difficulty trying not
to cry!
Good readers like you almost always
do well in English and history classes. You have amassed a veritable ton of
historical research for Swimming with Serpents. I love the title and its alliteration; I've
known quite a few "serpents."
This is a well-done work--of course you can write--I am incredibly proud
of my student.
I've read only a few chapters. The "Prologue" is good writing. You
effectively "catch the reader's attention" . . . sentences flow into
a great hook with a "tease" to turn the page. --You've chosen the right tone and
point-of-view: third-person omniscient limited to Snow Bird; third person
focused on Cade. --How many revisions
had these few pages? Hemingway said he
rewrote the last sentence of "F to A" thirty-odd times (I
think)--why? "To get it right."
The snowy bird of the first paragraph connects to the death of Snowbird
as the white bird watches. And--that
owl! In literature, an owl's hoot (as
you know) = trouble, + owl, Athena's bird, the goddess of war. Yes!
You've a recognizable analogue, too: The creator of the "Dr.
Quinn" TV series had to bump off her "Snow Bird," Cloud
Dancing's wife, in dramatizing the plight of the Cheyenne and--to have Cloud
Dancing available to fall in love with the white, lady-newspaper editor. Surely that connection will be made by
readers.
Oh, I notice all sorts of
"stuff"--even "Beauty" and "Beast"! --My
"Starlight," named for one of Almanzo Wilder's horses, died on my
birthday when Durwood and I were in Louisville. --You've set a conflict between the twins: at
first, Gabe is "killed"--will he become a "sacrificial"
character? Also, Gabri-el: -el =
God. Will he become a spiritual leader? In a few pages, your narrator had me
laughing! --Any English paper making me
laugh earned its "A" then-and-there.
Swimming with Serpents is
simply superb. (Allow me an
alliteration!) It should win some
category of an award. Congratulations!
Love,
jwnk,
your
English teacher!
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